I will never in a million years date a girl who’s into fitness.
It’s funny. When you go on Instagram, you see all these people following and liking the photos of “fitness models” posting pictures of themselves virtually naked. And most guys comment, “Oh, that’s my dream girl.”
For me, it’s actually the last thing I would ever want.
The Brutal Truth (My 2 Cents)
The Problem With Dating a Fit Girl
I have to be honest with you. Being fit and being into fitness are two very different things.
Most of the people I know who are fit identify themselves as a “fit person.” But there’s a certain subset of this group that bases their entire identity on being fit, and this is where I have beef. I don’t see them involving any other aspect of their “best life” – the only thing they live, eat and breath is fitness.
Many of them don’t have any relationship, career, or personal growth goals. They don’t care much about self-improvement, or finding work they are passionate about, or traveling the world.
Based on their social media newsfeed, their Instagram, and the things they talk about, apparently the only thing that matters is showing off to other people how fit they are, and how little they do with their lives…
… other than work out, that is.
I’m actually not into fitness, but I’m fit because to me that’s part of having a great life.
To me, being fit is first of all about confidence – when you are confident, you go after dreams, people, and opportunities you never would have in a million years.
To me, being fit is about being free – because how am I going to travel the world if I can’t go for a hike without being out of breath? How am I going to come home and work on creative projects after a ten hour workday if I don’t have energy?
How am I going to do a Tough Mudder race if my knees hurt just from walking?
And yet, fitness is not my primary life goal – not even close.
I’m attracted to the kind of women that take the time to be successful in their work, who want to travel, who have passion, who read books, and also take the time to be fit.
Unfortunately, what I see so much is people who can’t separate being fit from their identity.
There’s a huge difference between:
Fitness is my life ambition
Fitness is one of my life ambitions
When there are so many aspects of my life that need improving, why would I just focus all my time and money on the physical body?
Getting Fit – And Talking About it – For the Wrong Reason?
I went out on a date once with a girl who was really into fitness. Painfully into fitness.
We’re talking about the kind of girl whose identity is fitness – like I’m talking about here. Every time I would go to the bathroom and come back, I’d see her flipping through her Instagram feed, looking at the hearts and all the thumbs up on her latest picture.
It was always about her looks, and maybe she wasn’t even aware of it, but she had a heavy habit of getting validation from strangers on the internet (for her looks).
The sad thing is that if I didn’t comment or like some of her pictures, she would get offended and actually start acting sad. It was the main way she got her self-esteem—from being fit, looking good, and then seeking attention on social media.
She really believed it was real. But the horrible irony was that it was completely made up – social media is virtual reality, with strangers commenting on other strangers.
And it took me a long time to realize that this particular girl was beyond “fixing” – she was sweet, but it seemed like all we ever talked about was food, or the gym, or her clothes, or something about instagram, or her appearance.
So much for talking about dreams, travel, books, movies, quality, substance, or reality.
And it was sometime during this conversation that I had the crystal clear conviction: the kind of woman that attracts me is the kind that is fit because it’s part of her 10/10 life.
Rather than being attracted to a woman whose primary goal was her body (e.g. her image), I was much more interested in a normal, hard working woman who also took care of herself.
Would You Ever Date Someone “Into” Fitness?
Look, I’m sorry. Of course, I love beautiful, fit women. If you’re a woman, you probably love beautiful, fit men. To me, while the rest of the world (especially men) may be envying this type of woman they see on the internet or in movies, it’s not my style.
I’m not saying that I’m perfect or better than other people, because I’m not. It’s just that I find myself much more interested in hanging out with people who are interested in improving their overall lot in life – which includes fitness, but is much bigger than just that.
So many of the fittest people I know unfortunately find themselves obsessing about their personal appearance or popularity on social media.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be seen as fit, but it’s also important to look beyond that one tiny aspect of your life, look yourself in the mirror, and ask a tough question:
Is being fit your entire identity?
Have you ever dated someone who’s obsessed with fitness? If you haven’t, would you ever date someone whose entire identity revolved around being fit? Share your thoughts below.