Ms. Sweet Potato is the girl who spends WAY too much time tanning at the gym.
Rumour has it that some tanning salons cost upwards of $100/month, so these sweet potatoes got smart and realized they could get a gym membership for $20/month… and just use the tanner there.
The problem is that even when you walk into the gym in the DEAD of february with three feet of snow outside, she still looks like she just got back from Cancun last week.
Easy on the skin cancer sweetheart.
#4 Ms. “I Woke Up Like This” Just Put on Makeup and Got a Tan For This Workout
At my gym, there’s always one woman in her 30s who comes in looking like she’s about to hit the club.
She has perfectly coiffed, curled hair, like she’s ready for prom in an hour.
She has a brand-spanking-new coat of red lipstick every single time.
She’s chewing a fresh piece of gum.
She has fully-decked out gym clothes, which include a top that matches her shoes.
And she is thoroughly caked up, ready for her sweaty workout, and makes sure she spends lots of time in the areas of the gym where it’s mostly men.
WE GET IT. YOU NEED ATTENTION.
#5 Mr. “You Need a Gallon of Water a Day Bro”
Yeah, I’m talking about you wanna-be bodybuilder.
You read somewhere on bodybuilding.com that you gotta “eat big BRUH” and “chug a gallon of water a day BRO” or “drink a gallon of milk a day to bulk, BRAH.”
There’s not much else to say here besides these two facts:
1. You look like a total moron
2. You just reinforced my assumption that you’re a neaderthal
#6 The Show Off Who Works Out In Her Sports Bra
Sometimes, girl #6 is sporting a fresh pair of fake boobs that she’s eager to show off.
There’s one particular girl (woman) in my gym who’s about 70 years old… with the body of a 20 year old.
Plastic surgery is one crazy thing.
The creepy and irritating part about it is that she wears such skimpy clothing to show off her 20 year old body, that every time I walk into the part of the gym with her, I feel almost like I walked onto the set of an adult film.
Sometimes these girls are just the college girls eager to show things off.
As I guy I appreciate it – really I do – congrats on the effort. But you’re trying way too hard. It’s a lot easier to get attention wearing the same thing to a bar – happy Friday attention whore!
#7 The Weight Slammer
99% of the time, unless the person is deadlifting, this is a kid trying to act big who is really just a space cadet in his head, not paying attention to his workout.
In my gym, most of the people that do this aren’t experienced, and instead are busy talking to their friends, looking around the gym, or just lifting too much weight and lazily drop it back down.
#8 The “I’m Not Done Yet But Let Me Finish This Text” Slacker
Every once in a while (hopefully only every once a while) you’re waiting for a machine you really like, a spot on the floor, or a weight rack and you find someone who spends more time texting than they do working out.
Sometimes – and this one really gets me – people will literally be on their phones having full conversations and chatting throughout the entire workout.
I don’t really get how this is possible, but people do it.
And it’s REALLY bad when it’s peak gym hours (around 5-7), and they take AGES to get off a machine because they are taking their leisure time.
Dude – If I wanted to see your nipples, I could’ve gone to Chippendales with my girlfriend.
#10 The Person Singing To Themselves Way Too Loud
There’s this one guy at my gym who is singing at the top of his lungs in the locker room, the line entering the gym, and the entire time he works out.
I think the only reason people haven’t told him to shut up is because he’s massive, but he’s extremely irritating.
These kinds of singers tend to be irrationally confident and usually think they look cool – everyone else? We think you look just as dumb as you really are.
You look insane, like a total nut job. I hate you. Go home.
#11 The Machine Hog
There are normal machine hogs, and there are texting machine hogs.
And then finally, there are college kid machine hogs.
Every once in a while you get a group of friends working out in the gym, which is usually three people.
They take their time going from machine to machine, but because they are three people using the machine, they take their time gossiping in between sets, talking about rainbows and unicorns and the girls they got at the club last week.
#12 Mr “I Act Huge Because I’m Overcompensating For Everything Else In My Life”
These guys we’ve all seen: they aren’t the biggest guys in the gym, but they like walking like the biggest guys in the gym.
They’re even more irritating to walk by in a small hallway, because they never yield or turn to let you in, therefore attempting to re-affirm their tough guy status.
Proof that these people are again, massively insecure, is the fact that they usually aren’t the biggest guys in the gym.
Listen – you look like you sat on a banana and are trying to secretly wedge it out as you walk.
Listen – we know that you too are insecure, just like sweet potato girl and grunter.
And listen – we get that you’re a tough guy. Is it working for you?
#13 People Taking Selfies… In The Public Mirror In The Middle of the Gym
“Watch me bro, post this on my instagram.”
I’ll be honest – I was shocked when I first saw this.
PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THIS?
I was once in a gym abroad and saw a guy next to me take off his shirt, start flexing in the mirror, and then start taking selfies – IN the gym.
Every once in a while there’s a competitor who goes into a side room and flexes or practices a pose.
But the really annoying ones are the people who go right up to the mirror in front of a hundred people and start flexing, shooting videos for their instagram account, or overtly spend five minutes looking at their biceps in every possibly angle.
#14 The “Just Had a Great Workout” Facebook Update-R
“Great workout! Team hustle! Power couple! #Fitness #Cleaneating”
You’ll know these people by… wait… you won’t, because you unfollowed them six months ago.
#15 The Ultra Creep
The funny thing about gym creeps is that they aren’t necessarily sexual gym creeps.
There are guys that stare at me when I workout, and there are girls that stare at girls when they workout.
But it gets a bit irritating when you go into the gym and see one of your creeps there:
“Ugh, creepster is here today.”
Every time you’re going through an exercise, your spidy senses start tingling and you get the feeling you’re being watched out of the corner of your eye – so you look over and catch the creeper looking.
No big deal.
But then you keep catching him or her out of the corner of your eye, and you’re slightly tempted to throw a pipe bomb in that general area of the gym.
QUIT LOOKING AT ME MAN.
Who Else Would You Add To This List?
I feel you there if you’re one of the people that really hates the gym. I get it.